From the Heart #6 – The Bad Day

Bad day

Tuesday was a Bad Day. It represented a blip in my otherwise staunch positivity and it felt like a pretty big blip at the time. There were a number of little things that went wrong. None of which, had they happened in isolation, would probably have mattered much but taken all together, well, they equalled A Bad Day. I won’t write about them all – some of them sound pathetic in my own head from a distance of two days, so I can’t imagine they’ll sound any better on paper (or screen, if you want to be picky about it). I chose not to blog that day – blogging through tears is no mean feat (I’m only slightly joking).

As most Bad Day’s are wont to do, it started really well. I had the opportunity to go for an interview for a Teaching Assistant role at the school I visited at the start of my unemployed journey. It is a role I would have absolutely LOVED, even more so having talked it over with the Headteacher. For a few glorious hours it felt as though the planets must have been in perfect alignment for me to be handed this amazing opportunity at the right time. Not only would I have loved the role, it would have been term time only (no worrying over covering 13 weeks school holidays again) and it would have given me a good chance of being accepted on to a School Direct Teacher Training course next September which is what I’ve always really wanted to do.

Unfortunately though, for the same reason I had put all serious thought of taking this route ‘to bed’ after my original school visit, I had to say no. Having thrashed it out with hubby (not quite literally), the salary wouldn’t even have covered our childcare costs and much as I might want to do it, I can’t follow a path that will get us into debt. Nevertheless, saying no was devastating. Turning down the chance of any job when you’re seriously looking somehow goes against the grain, but turning this down was positively painful.

As you can imagine this put me in the perfect mood for my Job Centre appointment. I can’t really explain why I was dreading it or why I somehow feel ashamed for being unemployed. I know it’s ridiculous – it’s hardly my fault, but walking into the Job Centre felt like I might as well be shouting ‘I’M USELESS’ from the rooftops. Never having been one for drawing attention to myself I would rather have crawled under a rock somewhere, stuck my fingers in my ears and made ‘la la la’ sounds until it was all over.

I had no idea what to expect but went armed with my spreadsheet of job applications and hoped for the best. I was a little teary when I arrived (the day was already Bad) but I had to smile when I glanced down the row of people all waiting to claim their £71 a week and saw at least three quarters of them (including me) playing with their iPhones. The meeting actually went fine and was a lot less humiliating than I’d expected it to be (i.e. hardly at all). I was basically told to carry on doing exactly what I’m already doing and that I’d hear something further in writing within 10 days. I have to go back to meet ‘My Consultant’ next week and then every two weeks after that. So far so good.

In stark contrast to Tuesday, yesterday was a Good Day. Thank God. It was the first day of the summer holiday’s so (thanks to my lovely dad) I took the girls to an indoor soft play centre for the morning. They were both in a fantastic mood and were happy off doing their own thing whilst I sat on the sofa with my kindle. To save the pennies, I took our own drinks (hidden in a rucksack because it’s against the rules not to spend hideous amounts of cash on their overpriced confectionary) and we came home for lunch. I was only asked four times for a green slush puppy and three times for non-specific ‘food’ by my clearly going-through-a-growth-spurt three year old and neither of them Made A Scene when I said no.

Last night I completed my second job as Editorial Assistant for a fab online women’s business magazine and I love it!! If only I could find something like it that’d pay me enough to do it full time I’d be a very happy lady. I have two other jobs to do for them this week too so I am at least making a stab at keeping my brain as active as possible as well as getting experience in a new area. I’m also meeting another Recruiter tomorrow, have an interview on Tuesday and potentially another one next week too. I am trying.

In other news, the predicted 2lb of cake did indeed go on, but is three quarters off again (even though there is cake left) and I still haven’t bitten my nails. I’m selling the books I bought to prepare for my last job – what a waste of time and money that was – and will use some of the money to buy Neil Gaiman’s The Ocean at the End of the Lane. I’m about to make tea and toast and curl up with The Colour Of Magic: (Discworld Novel 1) (Discworld Novels) by Terry Pratchett for a few hours AND a Royal baby has been born. So it’s not all bad by any means.

Having read this today, it isn’t bad at all. I just needed some new perspective: http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/jul/23/jack-monroe-face-modern-poverty

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2 thoughts on “From the Heart #6 – The Bad Day

  1. Hang in there Lucy. Been through a huge amount of bad days myself recently and over the years. There was a cheesy saying recently on Facebook that you can look on one step forward then one step back as going nowhere or (and I like this approach) as a Cha Cha so you’re dancing.
    Your talents will be sought and appreciated – and probably when you least expect it.
    Mary xxx ( on a good day when I have felt loved ❤)

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